The Solution is Within, Not External

From the day of diagnosis, I have always been persuaded that the answer to the hell is from outside, external factors and “things” (for want of a better word). I write this post today challenging that thesis, and to explain my thinking here.

Olanzapine, Rispirdone, Abilify. Three names of anti-psychotics that have been prescribed to me in the last 3 years, since I turned 15. Each medical pill is not recommended for under 18’s. Infact, there isn’t a single anti-psychotic that is. Seems strange, when the average age of the onset of psychosis is the teenage years.

The doctors themselves have even admitted to me that these tablets being pumped into my body are not actually even understood by their creators. No one knows exactly what they even do. Apart from the side-effects, of course.

It is my strong belief, that the cure to Schizophrenia lyes (spelling?) within the sufferer themselves. I believe my experiences and actions I have took towards recovery back this theory up, and I would like to share a few of them with you now.

I refuse to be told that I will only ever manage my “illness”, rather than eradicate it completely. Maybe this is me being stuborn (spelling again!?), but without hope, and belief, you have nothing. I don’t mean hope or belief in God, a higher-power, or someone else. I mean having a belief that you can, beyond any stumbling blocks, overcome and move forward from any horrific experience life decides to throw your way.

That is why I have made a “life plan” for the next year of my living world. My living world, by the way, is the world that my body exists in. My uncontrolled world being the world the illness creates for me, and then my safety world (one of which I believe most people have) where I create situations and beliefs in my mind to cope or escape from anything “unsafe”.

This life plan consists of the end goal of “eradication of symptoms”. No more need for medication (though, I don’t believe there is one in the first place, for me anyway). No more need for CBT (cognitive behaviour therapy). And no more need for hurting.

I propose to complete this task by realising that the symptoms are thoughts. Just thoughts. Nothing else. Thoughts are never the true story. No one’s are. Because they are just our story, each person’s individual, custom-made story that they live every day of their lives. By the same token, reality doesn’t exist and never has. It is a concept we have created to make ourselves feel “normal”. Which is another concept and not fact (the idea of normal).

I’d be happy to answer any feedback if you have any. Thanks for reading and take care.

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One response to this post.

  1. Posted by chris on June 19, 2007 at 3:30 am

    you have right idea young lady he only person that can help you is U 1st and only and ur right its only thoughts to escape the life ur living. good luck and take it easy. Chris


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